One amazing God.

Every day I am more amazed by God and how awesome and loving he is. But in a specific way I was reminded of the greatness and power he has when I am at my worst. I'm sure more mature Christians may have had this happen more than the 1 time it's happened to me- but this was a 1st for me. It was one of those days I felt so discouraged and mad at myself and jealous of people etc etc.( Bad emotions) I felt like I was completely failing God. Well, we were having a party and it just so happened I was having a" bad mood" day. The last thing I felt like doing was acting all smiley and friendly and talking everyone's ears off. Bascially, I'd sulked away the past day and a half and wanted to proceed doing so. It felt fake and dishonest to act happy when my whole being was screaming out anger and tears. As teenagers, we all know the deep- down insecurities we face. I kept thinking I looked really mad or too serious- so I tried to keep smiling when ever someone's eyes met my gaze. I tried to be a gracious host, but I felt still felt selfish, as if my heart wasn't in it.  Eventually, the party was over and everyone went home.  the next day my dad revealed to me a crazy secret while we were having a conversation about our  current "church" situtation. He said that a lot of our non- Christian guests complimented him on his family and me, washing dishes and being so sweet. A bullet could have shot through my chest in that moment. It must be my personality, but being complimented is not something I appreciate- because I feel puffed up and proud when it happens, which I know is wicked. Even if it was easy to be humble, I still don't think I enjoy it that much. I was glad though when my dad said that we could reach these people by our graciousness and happiness, only possible through Jesus's strength. I can't think of too many better things in life then for Jesus to work through  me,  weak and selfish, but his strength is made perfect in my weakness. What an amazing, interesting God we serve!