Of IV's, Fear, Grace, and Pumpkin Ice Cream

 

I hear the news... a voice rings in my ear...

  fear, that awful, bad adrenaline rush of shaking nerves, the verge of future pain, the downfall of our life's end...
the dentist stares me in the face and I pretend I'm okay... mature, brave, and pro- I can go through pain and sore lips. I answer his questions half- honestly...
the door shuts and we drive home...
 The next two weeks are strange... I feel like someone on a teeter totter... ranging from confidence to none... two voices: You can do it, trust me... my heart and Jesus speaking.  another voice: It hurts really bad and you won't make it. I know that last one is wrong.. I know deep inside I CAN DO IT.
I'm 13, getting an IV and getting my tooth pulled is NOT a big deal. I know I'm acting like a baby. Mom tells me of her experience getting her tooth pulled and I feel better
I think of something funny from Three Stooges and I Feel better again
I think Of God's ever present help and I feel better three times
I realize it's going to rain that day and Mommy tells me she'll let me pick a movie afterwards
 I'm motivated, only half - scared now... I can do it.. confidence surges through me like lighting in the sky.

   I wake up- Oct 5th, 7:27am. Mom wakes me up... I'm ready.. well sorta've. I listened to soothing lullabies overnight and I know it's strange.. but they are one of many blessings that helped me get through today. Dad follows me out to the garage. I store my water bottle in the side door and pop in watermark's " Peace" and Jordan's "Beginning." my spirits rise. We reach the hospital and I repeat to myself... " I trust you." to Jesus and to my heart. We enter.. I hesitantly flip through some magazines while waiting in the library. I have no idea what the next 2 hours will bring. " Alyssa." come's the nurse in blue's voice. I square my shoulders. I'm introduced to Dr. Powers, I am confident again. We enter, go through some basic papers and introductions for the surgery at hand. I follow the nurse I've grown to like so much.. depend on.. she smiles and explains what she's about to do. I settle into the chair. Surprise. she has me so involved in talking about life.. piano lessons, my favorite subjects in school, I feel the pinch in my vein but I'm not afraid anymore. Everything stops for an instant.. this scared girl didn't know it.  my head is filled with funny phrases, happy romantic pictures, and Jesus's comforting form. I awake and numbly follow the nurse to the lobby.. in a daze i'm escorted to the car.. I step in.. turn the cd back on and I am beginning to feel strangely wonderful.... I turn the volume up on Britt Nicole's " Have your way" and the words have never rung so true and real for me. Have your way, Jesus. You know what's good for me, you have a plan, you love me, you'll take care of me. And I love you so very very much:)  I step in the door... scroll through pages of Twitter..... fall into the bed in the basement and turn up Ilan Eskeri's  song" Love" to the highest it can go through my headphones. This is one of my favorite types of days where I wonder what limits God can take me in true happiness and peace.... " You made it! I'm proud of you. You See, I told you you could. Just Trust me. Trust my love." I smile.
Because I trust him.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.